I won’t be watching your insincere
apology or follow you as you wheel and deal your way back into athletics over
the next several years. I don’t want to
be in the same room; watch you on a TV show; or have dinner with you and the
family and shoot the bull. I want to be
as far away as possible from you and people like you.
You’re a liar. You’re a cheater. You’re a fraud.
But the world is full of people
like you. Hollywood
and Washington, DC are dominated by your sort of people. Wall Street executive suites churn out empty suits all year long. Half the world is lying to the other half on
any particular day. What makes you any
different?
You used your position and your
power to threaten and intimidate people around you. Some, you corrupted into take banned
substances alongside you. Others, whose
only sin was to tell the truth, you derided and spit on. How many personal lives and careers did you
crush?
In some cases fellow cyclists were
forced from the sport. Others you pursued with legal action. I would also bet
five dollars that the trail of women you’ve left behind weren’t particularly
thrilled with your off the field exploits, either.
You’re the bully who loves to beat
people down because it fills that aching hole in your soul. Victory is a sweet thrill. You have no empathy for your counterparts and
adversaries. Winning covers over that dark pit where your parents didn’t love
you enough, or you were abused by classmates and teachers, or God knows what
else might go wrong along the way.
As long as you’re holding the gold
at the end, nothing else matters.
There’s no doubt we enabled
you.
We put you on a pedestal and told
you to keep it up.
We believed
everything you said despite all empirical evidence to the contrary.
We let you do your thing and cast shame on
those who questioned your integrity.
Which of us is the fool?
I don’t want my young son to grow
up to idolize people like you. Or worse, be like you. I want my
son to understand that there are moral and ethical decisions we have to live
with for the rest of our lives. The
consequences can be minor and they can be grave.
Let me stop for a second and put a
good spin on it - Thank God you got into sports instead of interstate serial
murder.
The worst thing about you is that I
can understand why you did everything you did.
Were it not for the separation of a
few points on the genetic ability scale and the burning internal fire to be
great; to dominate; to win everything you can; I could have been in a similar
position.
But I’m not. I don’t have world class ability. I don’t care about winning everything. I just like to get out there and feel the
wind on my face, and watch the countryside roll by, and sometimes, when my legs
are feeling that magic, I can go fast, and it feels really, really good.
The truth is none of us can say for
absolutely sure we wouldn’t have made the same choices, if we were in your
exact shoes. We don’t live every day
with the same internal and external pressure to be greater than human.
The only ones who can truly say
that are those cyclists and all other athletes who have been forced out of the professional
ranks of their sport because they wouldn’t take it to that next level.
But the choices have been
made. You can’t go back and undue the
decisions that have brought you to this point.
You can only go forward. Much
like the rest of us.
If for no other reasons than the wonderful
work you have done with cancer research and support, and for the entertainment
your wins brought me over the years, I hope you find happiness. I hope you can
truly forgive and understand yourself, and go on to do wonderful things with
your kids and your family for the rest of your life.
Your rise and fall is not absolutely
one-hundred percent your fault.
You represent the best and the
worst in American culture.
You are a winner. And you’ll do absolutely anything to win.
Marty Gaal is a professional
triathlon coach and amateur cycling fan. He lives in Cary, North Carolina
with his wife Bri, his son Junior Awesome, and his dog Tassie Rocks. You can
read all about them at www.osbmultisport.com.
