Sunday, August 15, 2010

Dear Gatorade: G2 sucks.

On Friday night, Bri and I bought a few bottles of Gatorade for our open water clinic on Saturday morning. The clinic went well and afterwards we had a couple bottles left over and poured some into our bike bottles for a bike ride afterwards.  Both Bri and I took a swig and both of us made a "bleargh" noise.  We wondered what the problem was and then Bri realized we must have bought a bottle of Gatorade: G2.  After the ride we checked the ingredients.  One fake sweetener isn't enough for Gatorade: G2: Sucralose and another sweetener called Acesulfame potassium.  Both of these are artificial sweeteners and basically useless for the body in any shape or form if not downright harmful.

Gatorade: G2 is marketed as a lower calorie sports hydration drink.  I have an idea for Gatorade.  I will give it to you for free.

Gatorade: Gh2.0.  You take a regular 20 ounce Gatorade.  You dump 5 ounces out (back into your big Gatorade vat).  Then, you add 5 ounces of water.  Voila!  You've reduced the calorie content by 25%, and it still tastes great, just not quite as strong.  Sort of like Gatorade G2 without the lousy chemical aftertaste.  And if you want to get even more super duper scientific, you (Gatorade, I mean), could add back in the appropriate amount of electrolytes, so the only thing affected is the calorie content. 

I even thought of a catch phrase for you.

Gatorade: Gh2.0.  It doesn't taste like you're sucking aspirin. 

And it only costs twenty-five cents more per bottle.  That's the additional labor overhead burden rate per unit for hiring some minimum wagers to dump out good Gatorade and put in some good water., and then relabel the bottles with magic marker pens.


This is a perfect example of taking a great brand and then diluting it with 2nd rate spinoffs.  Beverly Hills Cop 3 territory.

Full disclosure: We own Pepsi Co stock, so you should buy more Gatorade. 


Steve said...

Ha Ha!! That stuff does suck. We sell that crap at a local lumberyard here, tried it once. BLAH!!

I am a total watered down version Gatorade guy anyway!!

GoBigGreen said...

I Wondered why it was SSOOOO sweet. they gave it at a local race and i could barely finish the kiddie size bottle.